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[*][b][url=http://www.wikihow.com/Listen]Listen[/url].[/b]
This is the most important part of any conversation. Pay attention to
what is being said. Make acknowledging noises or movements to indicate
that you are still listening. A conversation will not go anywhere if
you are too busy thinking of anything else, including what you plan to
say next. If you listen well, the other person's statements will
suggest questions for you to ask. Allow the other person to do most of
the talking. They will often not realize that it was they who did most
of the talking, and you get the credit for being a good
conversationalist - which of course, you are!
[*][b]Find out what the other person is interested in.[/b] You can even do some [url=http://www.wikihow.com/Write-a-Research-Paper]research[/url] in advance when you know you will have an opportunity to talk with a specific person. [url=http://www.wikihow.com/Compliment-People]Complimenting[/url] them is a great place to start. Everyone likes sincere compliments, and that can be a great ice-breaker.
[*][b]Ask questions.[/b] What do they like to do? What sort of things
have they done in their lives? What is happening to them now? What did
they do today or last weekend? Identify things about them that you
might be interested in hearing about, and politely ask questions.
Remember, there was a reason that you wanted to talk to them, so
obviously there was something about them that you found interesting.
However, try to space out your questions or they'll feel like you're
interrogating them which is very bad and closes off friendships.
[*][b]Forget yourself.[/b] Dale Carnegie once said, "It's much easier
to become interested in others than it is to convince them to be
interested in you." If you are too busy thinking about yourself, what
you look like, or what the other person might be thinking, you will
never be able to [url=http://www.wikihow.com/Relax]relax[/url]. [url=http://www.wikihow.com/Introduce-Yourself]Introduce yourself[/url], shake hands, then forget yourself and focus on them instead.
[*][b]Practice active listening skills.[/b] Part of listening is
letting the other person know that you are listening. Make eye contact.
Nod. Say "Yes," "I see," "That's interesting," or something similar to
give them clues that you are paying attention and not thinking about
something else - such as what you are going to say next.
[*][b]Ask clarifying questions.[/b] If the topic seems to be one they
are interested in, ask them to clarify what they think or feel about
it. If they are talking about an occupation or activity you do not
understand, take the opportunity to learn from them. Everyone loves
having a chance to teach another willing and interested person about
their [url=http://www.wikihow.com/Find-a-Hobby]hobby[/url] or subject of expertise.
[*][b]Paraphrase back what you have heard, using your own words.[/b]
This seems like an easy skill to learn, but takes some practice to
master. Conversation happens in turns, each person taking a turn to [url=http://www.wikihow.com/Listen]listen[/url]
and a turn to speak or to respond. It shows respect for the other
person when you use your "speaking turn" to show you have been
listening and not just to say something new. They then have a chance to
correct your understanding, affirm it, or embellish on it.
[*][b]Consider your response before disagreeing.[/b] If the point was
not important, ignore it rather than risk appearing argumentative. If
you consider it important then politely point out your difference of
opinion. Do not disagree merely to set yourself apart, but remember
these points:
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[*]It is the differences in people--and their conversation--that make them interesting.
[*]Agreeing with everything can kill a conversation just as easily as disagreeing with everything.
[*]A person is interesting when they are different from you; a person
is obnoxious when they can not agree with anything you say, or if they
use the point to make themselves appear superior.
[*]Try to omit the word "but" from your conversation when disagreeing
as this word often puts people on the defensive. Instead, try
substituting the word "and", it has less of an antagonistic effect.
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<li>[b]Consider playing devil's advocate - which requires care.[/b] If
your conversation partner makes a point, you can keep the conversation
going by bringing up the opposite point of view (introduce it with
something like "I agree, and..."). If you overuse this technique,
however, you could end up appearing disagreeable or even hostile.</li><li>[b]Do not [url=http://www.wikihow.com/Cope-With-Panic-Attacks]panic[/url] over lulls.[/b]
This is a point where you could easily inject your thoughts into the
discussion. If the topic seems to have run out, use the pause to think
for a moment and identify another conversation topic or question to ask
them. Did something they said remind you of something else you have
heard, something that happened to you, or bring up a question or topic
in your mind? Mention it and you'll transition smoothly into further
conversation!</li><li>[b]Know when the conversation is over.[/b] Even the best conversations will eventually run out of steam or be ended by an interruption. [url=http://www.wikihow.com/Smile]Smile[/url]
if you're leaving, and tell them you can't wait to talk to them again
soon. Ending on a positive note will leave a good impression and likely
bring them back later for more!</li><li>[b]Make a good first impression.[/b] [url=http://www.wikihow.com/Smile]Smile[/url], ask questions that require more than a yes/no answer, and really [url=http://www.wikihow.com/Listen]listen[/url]. Maintain eye contact and keep as friendly and polite as possible.
</li>
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